17. Tip Tip Tap

Tip tip tap right into my heart

We’ll call this season… The Breaking

For someone who loves dreaming and writing stories,

it’s a little bit cruel

to be handed one I cannot dream,

nor write,

nor end.

So tip tip tap right into my heart,

and scatter it like glass across a quiet room.

Tip tip tap right into my heart

We’ll call this season… The Guilt

I have fallen in love with someone who belongs to another world.

It consumes me

not the guilt,

the love.

There is hardly room for anything else.

The guilt sleeps behind my eyes,

but the love—

she dances wide awake through my ribs.

Tip tip tap right into my heart,

and let it flicker like a lantern I’m afraid to carry.

Tip tip tap right into my heart

We’ll call this season… The Weariness

I grow tired of living in the shadows,

of loving quietly,

of tempering my emotions

to fit within borrowed lines.

I am done holding back

from depths I did not seek,

but found me anyway.

So tip tip tap right into my heart,

and let it blaze until there is nothing left but truth.

Tip tip tap right into my heart

We’ll call this season… The Dying

I stood at the edge of the dream

and realized

it was mine alone.

No hand to hold it with me,

no voice to echo the ache.

Only silence,

and the bitter taste

of almost.

I wept not for losing him,

but for losing who I became in his presence

unhidden,

unguarded,

undone.

So tip tip tap right into my heart,

and scatter the ashes 

Until I’m no more. 

Tip tip tap right into my heart

We’ll call this season… The Phoenix

from these ashes, let me become

Something more than almost.

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